The last post was from yesterday.. couldn't post it then. And to put me in my place for feeling so high & mighty after a few glasses of wine, last evening happened. We were very insistently invited to the same friend's house. I didn't want to go but P wanted to so we went. I had wine. Bad Red wine and it must have been opened a couple of days back. It was spoilt I think. And I said things I shouldn't have and I feel so terribly stupid about it all.

The Ms Fix It that I am, I want to do something about it. Though P wisely has forbidden me to do anything. Am i really immature to want honesty in relationships and friendships? Is it really one of the school/college days idealism that I still carry with me? How can I think something but show something else on my face? How do I reach a zen like state with this group of P's friends? How do I meet them once in a while only when they choose to include us and enjoy myself as nothings wrong?

This needs a huge amount of maturity and balance that I lack. Its not my nature to be indifferent. Everything around me affects me. I like everything to be clean and sorted. There are people I like and who like me and I share some sort of a relationship with them , there are people who don't like me or I don't like them and I prefer to not have anything to do with them. Don't we all have relatives to drag along in our lives who we don't like but since they are related to us, we can't do anything about it. Why have friendships like that?
I can't be like P. He's so calm about all this. He can just separate himself from it all and just enjoy himself.
I don't know how to deal with this. What I am sure about is that I should never ever have bad wine.