Ok.. so I have been away a lot and this might go on for a while.. T turns 1 on Friday, the 2nd of May and we have a party planned out. Though not sure how it would turn out now that T has a fracture in his collar bone. Yes he does.. the X Ray shows it. He might have to wear a sling. I don't know how I can force a sling on baby.
It all happened when P went away for work over the weekend and I stayed at mum's. Since there's no crib there, T slept with me on my bed and rolled over in the middle of the night.
I never think anything can really seriously go wrong so didn't take enough precautions to safe guard the bed side and he fell flat on a bare marble floor.
I feel so guilty I could die. I keep thinking of the time when I woke up with his shrill screaming and the terrible thump I heard just before. I remember screaming out of fear and shock when I saw him lying on the floor.
I just want him to get better. It kills me to see him crawl in the way he does now, almost on 3 limbs, leaving the weight off his injured shoulder.

This and That....

So the last whole week was full of action. The lack of access to Internet has created quite a backlog on my blog but I have to start some time.. there is so much to tell...
First the wedding was great, had a fun time. Though it didn't start off too well. I found it hard to dress up and have any zest to attend the ceremonies. I was just so drained.. The fatigue was showing on my face and the inability to enjoy something I had been really looking forward to made me feel worse. Anyway, after one such disastrous evening, I decided to have a good night's sleep and then onwards it was great.
I finally wore my wedding lehenga and got a million compliments. That really made my day. P also got affected by that I think, he was his old romantic self and made us pose like the bride and groom to get some pictures taken. We always regretted not getting these pictures clicked on our wedding day so that's taken care of now... :)
The wedding ceremony was quite long and boring. It was a Kashmiri wedding much longer than the instant Punjabi wedding. So we finally got home the next morning.
After a lazy Sunday, P and I left T at Nani home and took off for a short break the next day..
More on that later...
I had 200 plus unread emails by the time I got back and most of them for the MTB baby shower. Please please anyone tell me whats happening there.. I'm clueless and I don't have it in me to read all the mails..

No one has it easy..

I spoke to this cousin of mine and actually she's a cousins wife but we get along quite well. The fact that we had babies withing weeks of each other and were together in pregnancy woes helped.

She always used to talk about quitting her job to bring up her baby earlier but has been extremely particular about keeping her job now after the baby. I always thought there was something odd about that and got to know the reasons today. The five months that she was home after the baby made her realize that she couldn't quit working. No she is not really an ambitious career woman. She just knows she can't live 24x7 with her mom-in-law. If she does she will loose her sanity.

Now the MIL is my aunt, my father's sister so I know she is just like my grand mother and so I know what she can do to her daughter in law from my mother's experience. Now this lady is so bossy, she can choke you with it. Its hard to refuse her for anything. Imagine living with her. It makes me gasp for breath.

The MIL takes care of the baby all day so that means the baby has to be brought up her way. The DIL didn't want to use a bottle to feed the baby but it didn't happen. The DIL didn't want to use diapers on the baby all day but obviously it was too inconvenient. The really weird part is that the son is made to believe that the baby is kept in cloth nappies all day by his mother. The only time that the MIL really feeds and cleans the baby herself is when the son is around and the rest of the time its up to the maid. I would have thought the DIL was paranoid if I didn't really know the MIL myself.

I really pity this poor girl. She has to work only because she can't stay at home. Her guilt for staying away from her baby is killing her but she knows that staying at home will result in so much frustration that she won't be able do justice to her baby.

Now the worst part is that she had a nice 6 hours of work arrangement with her boss at her current work place instead of 8 but thats over. The department she used to work for shut and she has to look for another job. That would mean longer hours of work and less time with the baby. She would not be able to get home by 5 pm to take her kid to the park anymore.

I suggested looking for a part time thing but there aren't any options. I feel terrible for her and suddenly my life seems like a cake walk in comparison.

Hot hai!!!

The famous first words after Ma and Ba that T learnt are "Hot Hai" (Its hot). No we are not trying to equip our little boy with phrases to admire women ;) .... It started off as a warning for him to not touch anything warm like the bed side lamp's bulb that he always went for or our tea mugs. But now it stands for anything dangerous that he's not supposed to touch like switch boards, etc.. Well.. we mean parents do manage to get kicks out of this and P is constantly getting T to say " Ma hot hai" ... lol...

For all the hard work...

Well... guess what, after my earlier rant about how tired I was and how I worked so hard all this week. My parents finally walk in and tell me that they think i don't put enough time at work. I start too late in the morning. Can you believe that?? I know I'm talking about my parents here but this is more than I can take. I have shed a lot of tears over the hurt that this caused me and now I'm plain angry.
My parents are not cruel to me or anything and I chose to work for my father when I had T for various reasons. But now I think it was all a big mistake. The main reason was that I always wanted to help my father with his work and give him some rest and peace of mind that he hasn't ever had. He is a hard working man who made a lot out of nothing by slogging all his life. I have always respected that and wanted to relieve him of some of the work burden and stress so he could have the time to enjoy what he has earned. I did not join him straight after finishing my studies because it seemed like the easy option then. I wanted to do something on my own, to prove to myself and to him that I was capable of surviving in the world and doing well. But I had always thought of helping him eventually.
As soon as I got pregnant, the time seemed right. I wanted the flexibility and the option of taking my baby to work. Also, I wanted less number of hours. This in no way meant that I wasn't serious about working. I have inherited his workaholic ways but I believe and fortunately have the choice to lead a more balanced life. I don't want to make a lot of money. I just like working.
Coming from a top fancy MNC to a business wasn't easy. I hated it initially and thought of quitting but didn't have the heart to do that to my father. I knew he was happy with my decision to join him. And most of my life has been about trying to please him. It was hard to deal with the kind of people that were there. Now about an year and a half later, I am finally more confident about my choice to work here. I know I am learning the trade well and am enjoying it. I am getting used to the idea of owning a business, of employing people, of building something. It felt good. I want to do so much. I want to change the old processes and most of all the way employees are treated. I realized I have a different way of working than my father and I thought it was working. I was hoping for some appreciation.
All this might seem strange to most people. And they might think why can't I just tell them all this. But I can't. I have never really had a real conversation with my parents. I don't know how to start now. Now, I just want to walk out of the whole thing but I wouldn't and couldn't do that. I just don't know how I will ever be able to come up to their expectations. I do my very best but I still fail miserably.

If I'm missing an eye....

you'll know who to blame... little T of course. He has this strange habit of sleeping with two fingers of his left hand in his mouth that he uses as a pacifier and the right hand has to constantly hold something like my eye or my nose. And P and I sport various cuts that his sharp nails mark us with at bed time. But we've tried everything else to put him to sleep. Nothing works other than this. Mommies please tell me what makes your little ones to be off to the land of nod???

I didn't realize I'd been away so long... Its been really busy around here. I actually pulled off a 6 day week at work after ages. Ever since I had T, I have never done more than 5 days a week and about 5-6hrs of work a day and honestly a lot of times its just 4 days a week. When I say work, I mean office work of course... otherwise you know the mommy duty never ends.
With my father away most of the week in the middle of the busiest times at work, I had to really slog. I have lost my stamina for working the way I did before T. I hope I can get that back once T doesn't need as much time as he needs now. Although I don't think that will happen till he starts school.
Other things keeping me busy were my pilates class that tires me out enough that I work at half my efficiency. Will write more about the class later.
And another wedding in the family. This is as close as its gets other than NC ofcourse :)... So had to get clothes ready, mine and T's. P of course doesn't believe in preparing a week in advance. We got nice kurtas stitched for T. Will post some pictures soon..
I feel so completely pooped right now. Just want to go home and sleep. I think I'll bunk work tomorrow since papa is back. I need a massage.

T's new avtar

Here's T in his first ever kurta pyjama and we just had to put him in front of the Tabla that his nani got for him and he loves ...

But we leave our music and run for papa's camera as soon as we spot it.. It's getting really hard to click any pictures now that T runs for P's fancy camera everytime..

Now I know...

why there is such a shortage of good help or any help for that matter in this city.. Its the new trend of the rich.. 2 maids per child and of course a few more for the house. Really!!! Believe it or not.. it's true. I know at-least two women who have two maids for their child. And in both cases, the mothers don't do any kind of work from home or office or house work or anything other than lunch with the ladies and shop...
In-fact P and I walked into a day farm house party some weeks ago sans maids and just T and we must have looked like aliens to the rest because we were actually holding our baby. There was no maid in tow.
P and I are very concerned about our privacy. An outing means just our little family, just the three of us. We never take a maid along to such things. Its only when we are going to a family wedding sort of a thing where we would have to be really involved in the ceremonies or would have to stay till long after T's asleep, then we take a maid.
I just can't stop wondering what do they need two maids for a child for? They actually don't even lift a finger. One maid passes the clothes and the other puts them on the child. Why have a baby at all and what will the baby learn from an uneducated village woman? What about the importance of touch while bonding with your baby? Don't these women ever feel guilty for not bringing up their babies themselves or don't they feel overwhelmed with so much love that makes them want to do everything for their babies themselves..

T's birthday party

I am going nuts here. With T's first birthday approaching fast, we have to figure out what to do for a party. P and I have never been in favour of celebrating 1st birthdays. The baby not only doesn't know that the celebrations are for him, or care, in most cases it turns out to be torture for the little thing.
Having said that, T has thoroughly enjoyed all the birthday parties he's been to so now we don't want to deprive him of that and we don't mind putting up a small celebration just for our friends and close family.
The only problem is that what started as small is getting completely out of our hands now. I never wanted to be one of those mums who have nothing better to do so they plan their kids birthday parties months in advance but now that there's just a little under a month left, we find we hardly have any choice of venues available. I would love to do a small thing at home but we will surely fall short of space and we can't use the terrace because of the heat.
Another issue with doing it at home means throwing our varied group of friends together and also our family. P and I never drink with our family. It might seem like double standards but it's just that my mum and his parents are quite conservative when it comes to drinking and partying. But this time P and I have decided to come out in the open. Not sure if this would actually happen but we want to. When I told my mum that we want to offer liquor to our friends for T's party she freaked a bit and has since been referring to it as 'drinks party' instead of 'T's birthday party'. So now you know what I'm talking about.
The biggest issue of-course is the guest list. Now I am quite close to most of my extended family.. first cousins, etc.. so I have to and want to invite them for the party. P is out of touch or not on talking terms with most of his cousins. But he says his mum might feel that we've invited so much of my family and none of his. Though it is completely unreasonable considering the relationship he has with them. So all this has been causing a lot of heart burn and we end up cancelling the whole thing thrice a day.
If we go all out (we both don't want to) and call the whole families,etc, etc.. we end up spending a lot more than we intended and we end up wasting our time pleasing the relatives and not celebrating with our friends. This kind of ruins the whole idea of the party. Also this would mean like a 200 people party and how can we do such a celebration in my sister's absence.
The latest plan is to do a small thing at the club on T's birthday and a bigger, more family kind of a thing a month later when sis arrives.
Though pulling it off is not going to be an easy task either. More on that later.

Another reason to love Baichung Bhutia

I still remember the days when my sister's rooms walls were covered with this cute footballer's posters.. Here's another reason to love him.. He has refused to carry the Olympic torch when it arives in Delhi..