I never thought I would be the kind of mother who would hit her child. I have nothing against parents who hit children, just that I wasn't brought up like that, my parents had never hit us. The worst ever memories I have are about them getting angry and screaming at me but never any physical hurt.
This morning, T just about 9 months old has been kind of asking for it already. I feel terrible about wanting to scold him and hit him and I know according to the science of it all, its too soon and not advisable to instill fear in a baby. But he's just being really difficult all of a sudden.
He woke up crying this morning which is really unusual and then just refused to eat anything that we offered. I know this might be one of those days and I don't fret too much about him missing a meal once in a while. He has also been very clingy lately. I blame myself for letting him be with the maid more than usual as she just keeps him in her lap all the time and doesn't let him crawl at all.
Earlier he was quite content playing by himself, now he wails as soon as no one is in sight. He starts screaming if we don't let him have any thing that he wants. Weren't the terrible twos supposed to start at two?
I am totally clueless about how to deal with him. I hope this is a phase and passes away soon. What gets me totally worked up is that what if all these really become habits are here to stay? What if this is how T turns out and I spoil him by not dealing with all this the right way?
If any experienced mums happen to read this.. please tell me what to do..
Edited to add: T's being such an angel now.. just woke up from his nap and is resting his head on my shoulder. How can I ever be tough with this tiny vulnerable thing who's a part of me..
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6 comments:
Dear RaisingT,
Read all your last few posts together today and I am so amazed (in a respectful and wow! way) at the way you react to life. You and your husband must be really nice people to keep on giving the old friends relationship, respect like you did. Obviously after everything I read I do think they're not worth it. How can you go for dinner together and these people order a drink only for themselves? Honestly at that point I would have made an obvious excuse and left. You actually kept your cool and dignity. Wish we were personal friends...I would love for your quiet strength to rub off on me.
On that note - your impatience with T's crankiness....I've been there and I think it's more often something thats bothering the child that they can't voice. I feel sometimes they even pick up on stress we're feeling but since it's just a feeling for them they're uncomfortable and queasy. We can't deal with it ourselves sometimes so really - can't expect it from them either. My children - both of them went through a phase where they could understand WHAT they wanted to say but couldnt and that was the MOST frustrating period in both their lives so far. Relatives didnt make it easy when they passed their judgments and after a while I stopped explaining and thought if thats the opinion you have of my child, so be it. I'm not going to go out of my way to prove you wrong. In time the phase burned out and they were chumps again. I don't think you should give in to hitting - after a while it becomes an easy first resort. Distracting them, a bubble bath, fav books, clay (play-dough), some music they always like, going for a drive usually calms them. Even a run down the block or park. If you're too busy, put out toys that you normally dont give him. And if nothing works, dont feel guilty if you have to make the TV babysit so you can retain your sanity.
Don't know what to say about the uncle without doing something that'll upset his ego or the balance of the relationship. There should be SOME way of getting him to understand...
Hey.. thanks for all you wrote.. I so hope T gets out of this phase sometime and will surely try to distract him at testing times...
About the friends, we are so sour about it all now but things are just too complicated.. the trust is of course gone .. what is left is just more of a formality.. but we are quitely exiting from the scene.. P doesn't really belive in show downs.. And about the Uncle.. I just leave it to my dad :)
no beating my taaru baby (frown)
ya ya.. don't worry..
Hi T,
I've gone through those impatient days myself, and much though I hate to admit it, Chubbocks did get a few smacks from me, but later I realised I didn't ever want any of my children to fear me so I promised I would never hit him again, and have kept it up for about 18 months now. It is much more difficult in the Terrible Twos phase though, when they can't be reasoned with.
At 9 months, though, maybe T is just feeling frustrated with wanting to do things that he doesn;t yet have the ability to...or missing some cuddle time...try music. We used to have a wonderful Cd from my BIL that was meant to stop kids from crying, and had heartbeats woven into the nursery rhymes...that used to work very well.
Thanks Bird's eye.. will try music.. sounds good..
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