There are two ways of living life. First is to be yourself, say what you like, do what you like, the way you like, have strong convictions and opinions, voice them. Love fiercely, live fiercely. This will constantly result in disagreements, embarrassing situations, arguments, fights but you give all you have. You want things and you struggle till you get them. You want to live your life a certain way and you fight your way through everything to get there. Hold nothing back.
The second is to be content. To love mildly and live mildly. To suppress the real you to avoid confrontations. To go with the flow and never against it. To compromise. To keep everyone happy. To have an easy going, even a happy life but not what you would ideally want it to be. To keep the real you in a caged corner.
I have always based my life on this belief. I am a different person in every relationship. I am fierce in relationships that matter to me most and mild in the ones that are not so important to me. Similarly, I am fierce with things that are priority at that time in my life and mild with those that aren't.
The moment of truth arises when my attitude changes from one to the other. A relationship very important to me is going through such a phase. I can give in now and it might become easier for all those involved. Less fulfilling and less true but easier. The fight to make things better, to make them the way I had wanted it from the start seems to be going nowhere. I seem to be the only one wanting it and slamming against a hard stone wall, breaking myself. I speak my mind and its ugly. I hate what this is turning me into.
I can let go now but a part of me would die. Just the thought of a calm but unfulfilled life is repulsive. I am at a loss. I can let go but don't want to.
This is a life choice, the turning point for the rest of my life.
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5 comments:
It's terrible to be the only one wanting to make things better. I hope you make a choice you can live with.
Totally agree with Perakath. Its frustrating to be the only one wanting to make a change. And lonely as hell. But I have found myself compromising every now and then,willing my desires,my thoughts,my feelings to play dead.I guess it is easier for me to handle that, rather than the coerced/unwilling participation of the others, in my way of life. I hope you find the strength to make a wise choice, because it is you who has to live with it for the rest of your life. *Hugs*
Thanks Perakath ..
Piper.. Its gud to know I'm not the only one going through this ..
good luck love.
Isn't life just about the choices we make? As long as u can look youyrself in the eye and feel comfortable in the skin you done, you'll be fine.
I wish you a lot of courage and faith. And I really hope things get better soon.
I know Chandni.. Things are looking up already :)
But too soon to trust the change..
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