This tradition of 'Zenanas' dates back many centuries but is surprisingly still so common. Or maybe only in Punju homes that I mostly land up in. Basically, most of the friend's places we got to, when there is more than one couple invited, the women folk tend to retire to a part of the house separate from the male dominated living room. What age are we living in?
After I got married, all I wanted to do was to stick to P's side and not be sent to a different room with the women. Then I gradually started trying to fit in with the women 'cos most them thought of me as a snob who didn't want to mingle with them. The result was that I became even more sure of my choice to stick to with P at such dos.
Now I love girlie things. I love talking about shopping, manicures, pedicures, babies(well now I do), etc, etc. But what I don't like is bollywood gossip, maid gossip, next door neighbour gossip. What I hate is one or two women showing off their super expensive ( like a month's salary to us) bags with the same silly logo all over it or garish colors that are cool just because of such designer labels,etc, etc. What I completely detest is the other women flocking around these rich hens to admire and repeatedly admire the stuff over and over again. I can't stand it.
I rather discuss economy, the sub prime problem, business, etc. I don't pretend to know too much about all this stuff but conversations with the men is so much more engaging than the talk in the women's corner. What I really want to know is.. where are you interesting women of the world???
Monday, March 31, 2008
How we change with time.. . P and I were out last evening and bumped into a cousin of mine and her husband. She is a first cousin so quite close by relation but thats where it ends. So we met, exchanged greetings, general 'what are you doing heres', etc... But that was it, we didn't have much to say to each other. What really hit me while talking to them was, how cold I was? I was polite but there was no warmth. It was completely superficial. And I was thinking all this while talking to them and I was pretty sure that I'm transparent enough for them to see exactly how I feel about them. I don't like them for various reasons and I was not happy to see them.
It was a strange sensation for me. To feel nothing for someone like that. And for it to be so obvious. The strange thing is that, I haven't liked her all my life but I never felt like this before. When I greet someone with a smile that smile is true. Even if that's the only true thing in the whole conversation. The weird part was that the smile was so cold. Somethings changed in me and I don't like that. I probably need to grow up and hone my social skills. Lack of diplomacy is a bad thing, its an ass lickers world out there.
It was a strange sensation for me. To feel nothing for someone like that. And for it to be so obvious. The strange thing is that, I haven't liked her all my life but I never felt like this before. When I greet someone with a smile that smile is true. Even if that's the only true thing in the whole conversation. The weird part was that the smile was so cold. Somethings changed in me and I don't like that. I probably need to grow up and hone my social skills. Lack of diplomacy is a bad thing, its an ass lickers world out there.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Early morning.. ahemm..
We wake up early morning with T jumping over us to reach for something on the bed side table. We realize that T is no longer spread out horizontally between us, we really are lying next to each other for a change. We use the opportunity to snuggle up. As soon as we reach out for each other, the little monster's eyes literally open up to twice their size.. I'm not kidding, his eyes really opened up wide in surprise and he ran for us before we could even get close enough to attempt to create his sibling ...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Support Tibet!!!
My tryst with Tibet began with Vikram Seth's travelogue 'From Heaven Lake' some years ago. I was completely mesmerised by his descriptions of this quaint little country and started reading more and more about it. What fascinated me the most was the resilient character of its people and culture. How even in their exile they had kept their language alive, their art forms still thriving and their religion attracting people from far and wide?
Another thing that disturbed me and shocked me when I became aware of the Tibetan situation was, weren't the days of imperialism over? I know the more aware and learned can tell me that we are all still ruled in some way or another, American hegemony, etc. But weren't the days when one country ruled another by sheer military force over?
If a set of people have been living peacefully with whatever level of modernisation they wish to, why can't they be left alone? Can you imagine living in a free world today that if a Tiebtan is found possessing a mere picture of The Dalai Lama it is enough to sentence him to prison?
Visiting Tibet features in my 'things to do before I die' list but only if it remains Tibet. A couple of visits to Dharamshala made me realize how the whole community seems to be in wait. Every restaurant has picture of the Potala Palace. Street corners and trees have pictures of a kidnapped Lama. It really feels like a town waiting to pack its bags and leave for their kingdom in heaven.
Please do whatever you can to support the Tibet Campaign against China. You can offer your support at : http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/52.php?cl=66033783
Another thing that disturbed me and shocked me when I became aware of the Tibetan situation was, weren't the days of imperialism over? I know the more aware and learned can tell me that we are all still ruled in some way or another, American hegemony, etc. But weren't the days when one country ruled another by sheer military force over?
If a set of people have been living peacefully with whatever level of modernisation they wish to, why can't they be left alone? Can you imagine living in a free world today that if a Tiebtan is found possessing a mere picture of The Dalai Lama it is enough to sentence him to prison?
Visiting Tibet features in my 'things to do before I die' list but only if it remains Tibet. A couple of visits to Dharamshala made me realize how the whole community seems to be in wait. Every restaurant has picture of the Potala Palace. Street corners and trees have pictures of a kidnapped Lama. It really feels like a town waiting to pack its bags and leave for their kingdom in heaven.
Please do whatever you can to support the Tibet Campaign against China. You can offer your support at : http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/52.php?cl=66033783
Monday, March 24, 2008
Holi Hai!!
After reading about all the horrors of holi that MM and other people went through, I had this urge to lift the heavy pall off this fun festival.
I have some great memories of Holi. Every year my parents would be away all day for three days around holi. They would be off to this temple to attend a religious camp sort of a thing. This used to upset me & my sister a lot when we were younger as we could never play holi with them. As we grew older we started playing holi with some cousins and friends and we were eventually quite grateful for all the freedom. We would run wild on the streets which may have been unsafe but we were always in groups so it was great fun. I'm pretty sure my mum still doesn't know that we actually used to go to a couple of neighbours homes a few streets away to play holi. And these were never just dry gulal kind of celebrations but loads of water, tough colors and of course eggs.
Another reason why holi is special to me is that I met P on the day of Holi about seven years back. I can still see him standing on the first floor opposite my friend's house and looking down at all of us drenched in colors and water. He also claims that he remembers the day and infact exactly the way I looked then, looking up, squinting in the sun with one hand shading my eyes, wearing a white kurta. The funny part is that I never wore a white kurta on Holi. How could I when I was well aware of the kind of holi we played? It was always a some shabby pants with a t- shirt that I anyway wanted to throw away. He has some bollywood image of me. It's kind of sweet I think. I should have just let him believe that, its more romantic than my version . So till we got married, it was this festival that let us celebrate something together in front of so many people who were completely unaware of our relationship. P would fill up a bucket of water and throw it on somebody else but most of it would somehow land up on me and other silly teasing games went on . Those were the days.
After we got married, the holi tradition was followed religiously, not in the lanes any more but on our own terrace with a few cousins & friends. This time with T being so young, we didn't want to do anything at home but couldn't resist a friend's invitation. So we went to this fancy farm party which we thoroughly enjoyed. They had a rain dance kind of a floor which was great, dancing in the rain gives me such a high even better than the bhang. I felt guilty about all that wasted water but what the heck it was just one day. It was a pitty we had to get back home early as T was home. I can picture T in a tub full of colored water next year.
What is sad is that most people treat most festivals as just holidays or some mandatory customs forced down by their families. I believe in celebrating these days. We anyway don't rationalize and discard most beliefs that our parents had and have a very different idea of religion and spirituality than them. So the least I want to do is celebrate such fun festivals with my kids and give them some traditions and roots to call their own.
I have some great memories of Holi. Every year my parents would be away all day for three days around holi. They would be off to this temple to attend a religious camp sort of a thing. This used to upset me & my sister a lot when we were younger as we could never play holi with them. As we grew older we started playing holi with some cousins and friends and we were eventually quite grateful for all the freedom. We would run wild on the streets which may have been unsafe but we were always in groups so it was great fun. I'm pretty sure my mum still doesn't know that we actually used to go to a couple of neighbours homes a few streets away to play holi. And these were never just dry gulal kind of celebrations but loads of water, tough colors and of course eggs.
Another reason why holi is special to me is that I met P on the day of Holi about seven years back. I can still see him standing on the first floor opposite my friend's house and looking down at all of us drenched in colors and water. He also claims that he remembers the day and infact exactly the way I looked then, looking up, squinting in the sun with one hand shading my eyes, wearing a white kurta. The funny part is that I never wore a white kurta on Holi. How could I when I was well aware of the kind of holi we played? It was always a some shabby pants with a t- shirt that I anyway wanted to throw away. He has some bollywood image of me. It's kind of sweet I think. I should have just let him believe that, its more romantic than my version . So till we got married, it was this festival that let us celebrate something together in front of so many people who were completely unaware of our relationship. P would fill up a bucket of water and throw it on somebody else but most of it would somehow land up on me and other silly teasing games went on . Those were the days.
After we got married, the holi tradition was followed religiously, not in the lanes any more but on our own terrace with a few cousins & friends. This time with T being so young, we didn't want to do anything at home but couldn't resist a friend's invitation. So we went to this fancy farm party which we thoroughly enjoyed. They had a rain dance kind of a floor which was great, dancing in the rain gives me such a high even better than the bhang. I felt guilty about all that wasted water but what the heck it was just one day. It was a pitty we had to get back home early as T was home. I can picture T in a tub full of colored water next year.
What is sad is that most people treat most festivals as just holidays or some mandatory customs forced down by their families. I believe in celebrating these days. We anyway don't rationalize and discard most beliefs that our parents had and have a very different idea of religion and spirituality than them. So the least I want to do is celebrate such fun festivals with my kids and give them some traditions and roots to call their own.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
T Tees Off..
I was woken up in morning by T calling out 'Maah' 'Maah'... I just put my arm out on the bed to look for him but he wasn't there. My next instinct was to check the cot but he wasn't there either. I panicked and got up rubbing sleep out of my eyes and finally spotted him standing on the floor right next to the bed and smiling at me. I was so shocked that it took me a moment to realize what had happened. P had woken up and gone to the loo. T had gotten up soon after and decided to follow . He got off the bed ON HIS OWN. Can you believe that? Are they really supposed to grow up this fast? He actually has figured out how to get off the bed, he crawls to the edge, inches a little further and looks like he's in for a fall but then smartly turns around with his back to the edge and smoothly glides off. How will I ever control him now? I don't think I'm ready for this. It's coming too soon, all the mobility, the willfulness and God knows what more is in store now...
Saturday, March 22, 2008
T saw the sun
Yesterday while driving back from work, I pointed out an airplane to T. As usual he was following the path of the plane when he suddenly spotted this big, bright orange ball in the sky. He was spell bound. He just kept staring at it and then back at me. His face was bright with surprise and the thrill of a new discovery. I was so grateful in that moment for this baby who came into my life to make every mundane thing seem special..
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Update on T
Because of all the whining, I have not written anything about T for a long time. He is going to be 11 months soon. I can't believe that he's actually going to be an year old so soon. He is a very sensitive baby. If any one raises their voice even a little, he shuts his eyes and looks really disturbed though he himself can scream louder than all of us put together in a fit of excitement.
He loves water now and the time spent in his tiny bucket after a bath is the best part of the day. He definitely takes on my love for water. I have to teach him to swim soon, though taking such a young thing to a public pool might not be a good idea. P & I have been thinking of getting one of those inflatable things to put on our terrace provided we can get enough water (Delhi is going to be short of power & water again this summer.. phew).
Thats him in the bucket...
And the anti-jinx courtesy BEV
He of course is crawling all over the house and even cruising now, just a matter of time before he runs away leaving poor mommy behind. Anyway the only time he cuddles with me anymore is only when he's sleepy. I keep begging for kisses at other times but he's too busy with his games. Imagine already.. he's not even one yet.
What has really changed in the last month are his eating habits. He used to eat pretty well. He would gobble up whatever was offered and in decent quantities. Suddenly, he has become picky and he just doesn't stay in one place long enough to get through a meal, not even on his high chair, he gets restless and struggles to get out of it. He used to be a chubby baby, though he still weighs more than average but he has lost those cheeks. This just makes me guilty at times, maybe I am not able to feed him the right things or maybe what he eats is not enough. He is an active baby, i don't know what to do with all this energy he has, so I doubt if those chubby cheeks will ever come back.
I should go back to playing peek - a -boo now otherwise he'll jump of the chair that the maid's holding him on or the chair will topple over .
He loves water now and the time spent in his tiny bucket after a bath is the best part of the day. He definitely takes on my love for water. I have to teach him to swim soon, though taking such a young thing to a public pool might not be a good idea. P & I have been thinking of getting one of those inflatable things to put on our terrace provided we can get enough water (Delhi is going to be short of power & water again this summer.. phew).
Thats him in the bucket...
And the anti-jinx courtesy BEV
He of course is crawling all over the house and even cruising now, just a matter of time before he runs away leaving poor mommy behind. Anyway the only time he cuddles with me anymore is only when he's sleepy. I keep begging for kisses at other times but he's too busy with his games. Imagine already.. he's not even one yet.
What has really changed in the last month are his eating habits. He used to eat pretty well. He would gobble up whatever was offered and in decent quantities. Suddenly, he has become picky and he just doesn't stay in one place long enough to get through a meal, not even on his high chair, he gets restless and struggles to get out of it. He used to be a chubby baby, though he still weighs more than average but he has lost those cheeks. This just makes me guilty at times, maybe I am not able to feed him the right things or maybe what he eats is not enough. He is an active baby, i don't know what to do with all this energy he has, so I doubt if those chubby cheeks will ever come back.
I should go back to playing peek - a -boo now otherwise he'll jump of the chair that the maid's holding him on or the chair will topple over .
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Am I a whiner?
I don't really want to hear a yes to this but lately I have been feeling like one. You know how some people go about life thinking one day when this happens I'll be happy or the day that happens I'll be happy. I absolutely don't want to be one of those, I want to enjoy life with its imperfections. Though i find myself perpetually wishing for something to happen so I can feel better. I constantly feel that knot tightening in my head and wishing for something to go right that would make us happy.
I find myself getting bitter, especially with P. I nag.. a lot. And worst of all, I loose my patience with T. Instead of handling him patiently, I get angry and I force him to do something which obviously makes him cry. I feel miserable after that. I know this is going nowhere. What if it takes a lifetime for things to turn right or what if they never do? I don't want to turn my life into hell and along with that T's too. I pray for strength to tide over all this.
I find myself getting bitter, especially with P. I nag.. a lot. And worst of all, I loose my patience with T. Instead of handling him patiently, I get angry and I force him to do something which obviously makes him cry. I feel miserable after that. I know this is going nowhere. What if it takes a lifetime for things to turn right or what if they never do? I don't want to turn my life into hell and along with that T's too. I pray for strength to tide over all this.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Blame it on MTNL
I haven't been able to blog for a few days now though I was itching too.. must have written a dozen posts in my head but the damn MTNL people have cut the broadband connection. When P went asking for an explanation, they said it should have been cut in Jan as we had put a disconnection request.. weird!!! So nothing has been done about it and we might have to go through a completely new application process all over again. Can you believe that? All those who think the Airtels of the world are any better are so wrong. We faced a worse crisis with them last year and then switched to trusty MTNL after paying many inflated bills for STD calls to places we'd never heard of. So basically no Internet access and I've missed many a juicy posts.. :(
The weekend was crazy. Haven't slept well in two nights. We attended the Bean's birthday party and had a great time.. met some interesting people.. Its funny that when you are at someones house and obviously you all are that someones friends/guests and still you smile at someone and they don't smile back.. isn't that really rude? Anyway, most people were congenial enough and we had fun. The cake was delicious and for all you MM fans, she looked amazing in a saree..
I wore a fairly hugging top after ages and was awfully conscious of the protruding belly but P was very happy that i was wearing something other than loose kurtis..
So after the birthday party we dropped T to nani's and went out for dinner and landed at this awesome place called @live in CP.. great music and ambiance. The food though left a lot to be desired but the live band singing songs from The Doors almost made up for it. The food at Cuba, also run by the same people is definitely better . Sunday was some cardio at the mall (for the body and the wallet... :) ) followed by another late night with awesome pink champagne at a friend's place.
The weekend was crazy. Haven't slept well in two nights. We attended the Bean's birthday party and had a great time.. met some interesting people.. Its funny that when you are at someones house and obviously you all are that someones friends/guests and still you smile at someone and they don't smile back.. isn't that really rude? Anyway, most people were congenial enough and we had fun. The cake was delicious and for all you MM fans, she looked amazing in a saree..
I wore a fairly hugging top after ages and was awfully conscious of the protruding belly but P was very happy that i was wearing something other than loose kurtis..
So after the birthday party we dropped T to nani's and went out for dinner and landed at this awesome place called @live in CP.. great music and ambiance. The food though left a lot to be desired but the live band singing songs from The Doors almost made up for it. The food at Cuba, also run by the same people is definitely better . Sunday was some cardio at the mall (for the body and the wallet... :) ) followed by another late night with awesome pink champagne at a friend's place.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
P just called me at work and told me to leave him if he ever speaks to this friend of his again. Coming from P, this is a huge step. He just doesn't say these things like I do without meaning them. He is really extremely upset & hurt. I'm just hoping he won't forget all this hurt tomorrow after sleeping over it. This guy has been taking P for granted for ever. Whenever I confronted him he would admit to his wrong ways, be good for a few days and then the same again.
I was really through with him but P somehow went on. Now he's really had it. P & him were discussing a business venture some days ago. P was really looking forward to it in spite of my warnings. So P calls him to today to find out whats up on that front and he tells him that he's gone ahead and done all that was needed completely excluding P out of the whole thing. WHAT A JERK????///
P is really upset. It's that point in his life when suddenly the career comes to a standstill and you can't see any way out of it. This is a very trying time for us. We have always been hopeful about something great coming along sometime in life. We came so close to it several times but just didn't happen. But suddenly it feels like life is slipping away. We might have to re think and start all over again.
P doesn't have a great education and he's always regretted that. He is smart but never got the right guidance at home to push him towards a good education. Maybe its time to fill that gap but not sure if we can do that at this point in our lives.
I'm just so upset and clueless about the whole thing but I know I have to be strong for P's sake. Pray for us please..
I was really through with him but P somehow went on. Now he's really had it. P & him were discussing a business venture some days ago. P was really looking forward to it in spite of my warnings. So P calls him to today to find out whats up on that front and he tells him that he's gone ahead and done all that was needed completely excluding P out of the whole thing. WHAT A JERK????///
P is really upset. It's that point in his life when suddenly the career comes to a standstill and you can't see any way out of it. This is a very trying time for us. We have always been hopeful about something great coming along sometime in life. We came so close to it several times but just didn't happen. But suddenly it feels like life is slipping away. We might have to re think and start all over again.
P doesn't have a great education and he's always regretted that. He is smart but never got the right guidance at home to push him towards a good education. Maybe its time to fill that gap but not sure if we can do that at this point in our lives.
I'm just so upset and clueless about the whole thing but I know I have to be strong for P's sake. Pray for us please..
Monday, March 10, 2008
T's first dress up day...
A friend of P's invited us for her daughter's second birthday party. I was not too keen on going considering it was in one corner of Noida and it was a costume party. I was of the opinion that T is too young to understand whats happening around him and he is too tiny to carry off a costume. I couldn't have been more wrong.
We eventually went for it . For the costume, we decided to take advantage of T's glorious curls and dressed him up as a Greek/Roman emperor. We made him a tiara with white orchid stems and wrapped a white dupatta over his romper. The dupatta didn't last for more than a minute so it was just T in a white romper and a tiara. And guess what he actually won the second prize for best dressed baby. Silly mama is so proud .. he won something in his first competition. The little party animal that he is.. he had a blast and I've decided to not miss a single birthday party ever.
There's my little Greek god...
I should be ready for lots of "mommy.. i won't be home before midnight..."
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The last post was from yesterday.. couldn't post it then. And to put me in my place for feeling so high & mighty after a few glasses of wine, last evening happened. We were very insistently invited to the same friend's house. I didn't want to go but P wanted to so we went. I had wine. Bad Red wine and it must have been opened a couple of days back. It was spoilt I think. And I said things I shouldn't have and I feel so terribly stupid about it all.
The Ms Fix It that I am, I want to do something about it. Though P wisely has forbidden me to do anything. Am i really immature to want honesty in relationships and friendships? Is it really one of the school/college days idealism that I still carry with me? How can I think something but show something else on my face? How do I reach a zen like state with this group of P's friends? How do I meet them once in a while only when they choose to include us and enjoy myself as nothings wrong?
This needs a huge amount of maturity and balance that I lack. Its not my nature to be indifferent. Everything around me affects me. I like everything to be clean and sorted. There are people I like and who like me and I share some sort of a relationship with them , there are people who don't like me or I don't like them and I prefer to not have anything to do with them. Don't we all have relatives to drag along in our lives who we don't like but since they are related to us, we can't do anything about it. Why have friendships like that?
I can't be like P. He's so calm about all this. He can just separate himself from it all and just enjoy himself.
I don't know how to deal with this. What I am sure about is that I should never ever have bad wine.
The Ms Fix It that I am, I want to do something about it. Though P wisely has forbidden me to do anything. Am i really immature to want honesty in relationships and friendships? Is it really one of the school/college days idealism that I still carry with me? How can I think something but show something else on my face? How do I reach a zen like state with this group of P's friends? How do I meet them once in a while only when they choose to include us and enjoy myself as nothings wrong?
This needs a huge amount of maturity and balance that I lack. Its not my nature to be indifferent. Everything around me affects me. I like everything to be clean and sorted. There are people I like and who like me and I share some sort of a relationship with them , there are people who don't like me or I don't like them and I prefer to not have anything to do with them. Don't we all have relatives to drag along in our lives who we don't like but since they are related to us, we can't do anything about it. Why have friendships like that?
I can't be like P. He's so calm about all this. He can just separate himself from it all and just enjoy himself.
I don't know how to deal with this. What I am sure about is that I should never ever have bad wine.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
How a white Chinkara rescued me?
This Chinkara was white and cool. It came from Australia. And it came to my rescue on a miserable evening. Before you think I've lost it, Chinkara is an Australian wine that was served at a wedding cocktail party that I went to at the plush Oberoi Hotel in Delhi. This is how it all started.
This was P's closest friend's sister's wedding and things hadn't been going to well between us lately (same people I mentioned in this and this too). Anyway, I had decided to look stunning and be the life of the party (all those who really know me know this has to be a joke or a feat as hard to achieve as climbing the Everest). Ok so maybe not be the life of the party but at-least look stunning. I was really looking forward to wearing this thirty year old saree from my mum's trousseau. Its this amazing deep blue with a bold silver border. I got the saree refurbished and matched silver peep-toe sandals with a silver clutch.. the works.. I even got it steam-ironed, didn't want to take chances with the dhobi.
So after a hectic day, made a huge effort to look fresh (Ice cubes on the eyes et all). I started getting dressed and as soon as i pinned my palla, I noticed the big tear in the saree border right in the front. My heart sank and I was so furious at the dry cleaner. If only his store hadn't shut by then, he would have had it. P tried hard to pacify me. And finally, not having the time to change (or another ironed saree.. I should be better prepared), i pinned it up strategically, took a deep breath and left.
As soon as I entered the party, I spotted N who's P's friends wife and one of my ex- best friends. This is the one I can't make up my mind about. Is she innocent or is she the bitch who creates all the trouble in the group? Now N always made me believe that they hardly met with the others in the group. Here I see her moving around with so many of the friends & family of the other friends that I realize she's been lying all this while. I suddenly felt so completely miserable at being left out that I just wanted to walk out then. The saree accident was just adding to my woes. The whole story is too complex to explain now but I always felt that I got a raw deal from P's friends and N was very easily accepted.
Anyway, so I felt terrible and it was so clearly written all over my face. I am one of those stupid, immature, transparent people who find it very hard to suppress what they feel and can't rest till its all out of the system. Thankfully the performances from the bride's and the groom's family started right then. It is the silliest thing that I've ever seen. A rub off from Bollywood. But it helped, I didn't have to talk to anyone for a good thirty minutes and that time was enough to compose myself and pull my act together.
The tamasha (trust me, no better word for this) ended and i spotted a waiter with tall, cool glasses of white wine. I picked one up and gradually relaxed. Another glass and I was ready to take on N and the world. I confidently mingled arm in arm with P. I told it as it was. Joked with N about the games she's playing with me. I noticed her face drop and she got tongue tied. No one expects me to talk back and they were quite shocked I think. Even P was taken aback. But I was never rude, just honest.
I hate to think that I need a glass of wine to get through my life. Makes me feel like an alcoholic but it is true. Lesson to be learnt is that I should be more confident about being myself and not need any stimulants for that. Why should drunk me have more fun than the sober me?
This was P's closest friend's sister's wedding and things hadn't been going to well between us lately (same people I mentioned in this and this too). Anyway, I had decided to look stunning and be the life of the party (all those who really know me know this has to be a joke or a feat as hard to achieve as climbing the Everest). Ok so maybe not be the life of the party but at-least look stunning. I was really looking forward to wearing this thirty year old saree from my mum's trousseau. Its this amazing deep blue with a bold silver border. I got the saree refurbished and matched silver peep-toe sandals with a silver clutch.. the works.. I even got it steam-ironed, didn't want to take chances with the dhobi.
So after a hectic day, made a huge effort to look fresh (Ice cubes on the eyes et all). I started getting dressed and as soon as i pinned my palla, I noticed the big tear in the saree border right in the front. My heart sank and I was so furious at the dry cleaner. If only his store hadn't shut by then, he would have had it. P tried hard to pacify me. And finally, not having the time to change (or another ironed saree.. I should be better prepared), i pinned it up strategically, took a deep breath and left.
As soon as I entered the party, I spotted N who's P's friends wife and one of my ex- best friends. This is the one I can't make up my mind about. Is she innocent or is she the bitch who creates all the trouble in the group? Now N always made me believe that they hardly met with the others in the group. Here I see her moving around with so many of the friends & family of the other friends that I realize she's been lying all this while. I suddenly felt so completely miserable at being left out that I just wanted to walk out then. The saree accident was just adding to my woes. The whole story is too complex to explain now but I always felt that I got a raw deal from P's friends and N was very easily accepted.
Anyway, so I felt terrible and it was so clearly written all over my face. I am one of those stupid, immature, transparent people who find it very hard to suppress what they feel and can't rest till its all out of the system. Thankfully the performances from the bride's and the groom's family started right then. It is the silliest thing that I've ever seen. A rub off from Bollywood. But it helped, I didn't have to talk to anyone for a good thirty minutes and that time was enough to compose myself and pull my act together.
The tamasha (trust me, no better word for this) ended and i spotted a waiter with tall, cool glasses of white wine. I picked one up and gradually relaxed. Another glass and I was ready to take on N and the world. I confidently mingled arm in arm with P. I told it as it was. Joked with N about the games she's playing with me. I noticed her face drop and she got tongue tied. No one expects me to talk back and they were quite shocked I think. Even P was taken aback. But I was never rude, just honest.
I hate to think that I need a glass of wine to get through my life. Makes me feel like an alcoholic but it is true. Lesson to be learnt is that I should be more confident about being myself and not need any stimulants for that. Why should drunk me have more fun than the sober me?
And I'm back...
If anyone missed me, I was knee deep in house work, waist deep in office work and almost drowned in the weddings I had to attend. So much has been going on that I don't where to start. My maid quit. I was expecting it and it happened at the busiest possible time. Murphy's law hold true every time, doesn't it?
Got a maid on loan from my mum but she didn't cook so i had to wake up early to cook lunch and breakfast. Then get everything done for T and lug him to work. Then work all day and lug us back home (I don't really walk to work with T on my back but driving 40 kms in Delhi is no better). Fix T dinner, etc, etc and drop him to Nani home.. Finally get dressed in a saree, try to look like a million bucks and leave for the wedding parties when all I wanted was a trip to the land of nod. I managed. I lived through it somehow.
Now with the weddings over and a new maid ( my mum's network is great.. touch-wood!), I have been trying to get my sleep and sanity back.
More later..
Got a maid on loan from my mum but she didn't cook so i had to wake up early to cook lunch and breakfast. Then get everything done for T and lug him to work. Then work all day and lug us back home (I don't really walk to work with T on my back but driving 40 kms in Delhi is no better). Fix T dinner, etc, etc and drop him to Nani home.. Finally get dressed in a saree, try to look like a million bucks and leave for the wedding parties when all I wanted was a trip to the land of nod. I managed. I lived through it somehow.
Now with the weddings over and a new maid ( my mum's network is great.. touch-wood!), I have been trying to get my sleep and sanity back.
More later..
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