I finally have a little blog roll of my own. This is a step to come back to my blog more often and not look for links in history to get to the blogs I like reading.. Looking forward to getting back in touch ...

For lost dreams..

I am ordinary and life is ordinary. Till not so long ago I thought differently. I, maybe like everyone else, thought I was meant to do achieve something great. I never knew or know now what that something great would be, but something I was just right for, I was meant for.
Life seems so mundane now, so meaningless. It seems such a waste. A waste of opportunities lost in utter ignorance. Lost because of the ignorant confidence of youth. Because of never being shown the mirror, because of never being made to understand reality till it bit. Because of a crazy, romantic belief that everything would always stay perfect. Because of the naive belief that the love of people who love me will always be there protecting me. Because of not knowing the right from the wrong, or that there is so much more than just right and wrong.
Because of not investing time and love on the right people. Because of not being able to know who were the right people. Because of always being afraid of being truthful and honest. Because of always trying to be someone other than what I was. Because of never getting to know who I really was.
Too late now??? No. How can it be? I am still me. A lot of time has passed but there's still so much more to go. There is a chance to find myself , to find the right people. Something great must still be waiting to be done. Something will fall in place sometime.. For lost dreams and undying hope....

So I'm blogging on a Monday morning.. strange.. but don't feel like budging from home today.. am still at the dinning table.. lingering over a late breakfast.. a really late one actually.. T is ready.. food is packed.. all set to get out .. other than me. I think the MNC trend of 2 days off in a week is so deeply ingrained in my system that if I work a weekend (like yesterday) my battery is just not charged to do another full week's work. It's funny that my body also responds to Monday only if I've had a 2 day break.
Another reason for such a late start to the day is the movie I saw with NC last night. She finally managed to get me to a movie in the festival thats on here. It was great watching a movie in the theater after ages but late night shows don't work for me... especially after a days work. Even at the most interesting parts of the film I caught myself wondering when i would get to my bed and get some sleep. The movie was something though.. Lady Chatterley.. based on the DH Lawrence book. I have never seen more nudity ever before. Ok.. More later.. maybe.. got to rush..

Finally some time off...

work and T and P and everything else... I've been quite miserable, don't know if its mental, physical or emotional or maybe a little bit of all these. It seems like I'm carrying a heavy load on my shoulders all the time. I am so tired.
There is something that has been weighing on my mind and maybe thats what is completely drained me. I don't want to talk about it. Please don't ask. Not even you NC. But it's huge and it's something I don't want to do but I'm doing only to save my marriage. It's killing me. P is not really providing the kind of support or comfort I expect from him. Please tell me you support me on my decision and have complete faith in my ability to do the right thing.

I should tell you..

whats really been happening. I have been exceptionally busy though the main reason for not writing anything is the list I posted the last time. Everytime I open the blog and read the to do list before writing a new post and I get distracted by the fact that I lot on that list is still undone or a work in progress. I get down to either making T's diet chart or phoning people about the staff I need. By the end of that, its too late to write.
So today I decided to not read the list and write first instead. The holiday was fun. We went to this quiet little hilly village in Uttrakhand and stayed in a lovely cottage. The place was run by a delhi family and was done up amazingly well.. straight out of a home magazine. Every room a different color theme. T had a fabulous time with his nana nani. He was very happy with the arrangement of nana being right in the next room. And he found his true love - A peach or let me say a zillion peaches straight off the trees.

This place had an orchard around, so we were surrounded by peach and plum trees. T thought they looked like balls and for once it wasn't forbidden to be put in his mouth. So at all times of the day he would had both his hands full with peaches at different stages of consumption. I was just happy he was eating something.



Before I forget to mention again... Little T is bald now. We did the mundan on 30th and a small get together for relatives. I somehow lived through it all. He was alright during the head shaving but misses his hair. Some days back I caught him trying to pick up some strands of my fallen hair from the floor and stick to his head. It was hilarious and sad at the same time. I should post a recent picture of his since nc hasn't done it either.


We are off again in a couple of days for another short holiday. This time its just me, T and nc visiting some family. I'm nervous about T's first flight and his first trip without papa. He is quite a handful now and I get completely exhausted running behind him and trying to feed him. NC is confident we'll handle him and have a good time too. Time will only tell.

Things to be done asap...

Okay I can not control all but I need to really get a grip on all that I can. I have to

- Write out a detailed diet chart for T with the timings so if I leave him at home, people know what to feed him when.

- Set T's bed time and a routine like we used to sometime back.. just lost it all amidst broken bones and fevers. This will give him some structure and us the much needed time together.

- Hire two good, well paid people at work (reception and sales) to strengthen my team so I don't worry so much about work when I'm stuck at home.

- Spend two days completely at home to train the new maids.

- Take my sis out for some plays/movies and somehow let her know that I really do care and i'm so glad she's here.

- List out options for P's work and help him decide a direction (a Gantt chart is what he needs)

- Be ready to join back work full time by 9th or 13th June if the vacation works out.

- Start exercising or I'll loose the little form and shape that I'd got into. Also dinner time needs to be moved between 7 & 8 pm.

Status Quo it is...

and I hate it. T is sick again. The maid is sick again and this time its a different maid. I'm stuck at home again. The sis is bored and is considering going back early. I haven't been able to spend much time with her because of the maid situation and the ailing T. She isn't getting along with the folks. We were planning a holiday together, all of us, but doesn't seem to be working out. I haven't seen her film as yet which i'm dying to but she will have to be made to believe over and over again that I really want to see it till I finally can. I feel miserable about her not being happy here but I just don't know what to do. I have a strange dependant relationship with my parents and it drives me up the wall most of the times. Now sis thinks everything needs to be put right which it does but can someone tell me how? Talking it out is not an option. We speak different languages.

P isn't doing too well either. Things are stagnant at the work front. Its started to get to me and I've started to get to him. Sis things I should take control of the situation and do something about it. I have been trying but I can't. Its the man's work, he has to figure it out. I really can't do anything about it other point him to the options I know of and push him once in a while. Life has come to a stand still at a very unhappy point.