Long .. Completely Random Rant...

And I thought the blog maybe gone by now due to disuse but glad it hasn't. You know how something happens in the day and you think this would make an interesting post and string a few sentences or a title in your head and then blog about it as soon as you can so you can share it with the world or in my case more like get it out of your system and vent out the steam.
Well I haven't even had the time to sit back and notice whats happening in or around my world and that is why i have been away for soooo long. I wonder if someone still comes back looking for a new post or if i'm still on someone's feed?? Anyway... so of course a lot is going on. Its like I've jumped in a crazy torrent of water and its just carrying me away at an insane momentum and i'm just going along at this unbelievable pace, almost like sleep walking through it in a daze.
Basically I have bitten off more than i can chew and just testing my limits to how far I can go on like this. But honestly, I think I desperately need better .. much better time management skills..

About T, oh I wish I would have written about him regularly.. both to tell you how he's suddenly so much older in the last few months and to get lots of tips on handling these terrible terrible twos.. We celebrated his 2nd birthday about a month ago with a lovely (even though a little overcrowded and chaotic) party at home. He talks all grownup now and tries to string sentences in English , a change from mostly Hindi conversations we used to have with him. And hes learnt Nepali songs from the help and plenty of Bollywood too. His favourite thing at home is to dance in the little lobby at the centre of the house and sing improvised, mixed and then re-mixed songs and rhymes and bhajans.. He can be at this for hours. He is also more obsessed with airplanes and his little musical instruments than ever.
Other than that its just struggle to feed, to behave, to not throw things,etc ,etc.. which i'm hoping will go away sometime. I keep telling myself that its just a phase and because I see glimpses of my gentle sunny boy underneath all the horror... fingers crossed...
We are thinking about play schools but not very seriously yet, maybe by the end if the year..

Life is cluttered and scattered. I spend one week in every five weeks on campus for the management programme. The week spent there is so far away from real life back home that it seems imaginary or like a parallel life. There's a lot of studying.. long days full of lectures, followed by late evening assignment sessions and then some late night walks on campus and finally cups of green tea and conversation early into the morning. Then comes friday and the ritual student type partying with binge eating and drinking. The early morning flight back home on saturday is too short to cover the distance between the world that I leave behind and my reality that I'm so eager to embrace. To count a few blessings of the plenty that I have been bestowed with, my reality at home.. T and my pillar of strength P.. is so warm that it takes me a minute to forget all that I leave behind when I come home, and the parallel campus life.. I have found friends that I know are mine for life. They make it so much easier to handle my longing for home.
Work is going well. I am finally getting really interested and involved the way I wanted to. I think I'm getting obsessed with it. My thoughts have evolved a lot after some exposure to the management programme. The best part is that I can instantly recognize a mistake when I make one and that is such great learning. I finally have a clear vision atleast in terms of the current business.
The dream of building something of my own also seems real now, though I still dont know what its going to be or when its going to be. But whatever it is, its just a means to an end. And the end I'm very clear about. Though this post is anything but clear :)
I like to think of this cluttered, super fast phase of my life as a crazy rain storm. Once it ends, everything will fall in place and be all new and shiny and green. Its just really hard to explain to people around me and unreasonable to expect them to join me at the pace I'm going. So it gets lonely. Why some people have grown distant I understand but for some I don't. Just hoping that this will also fall in place when the storm blows over.. fingers crossed.. again .. :)

P.S: I am not reading the post for fear of deleting it instead of editing.. so bear with me..

Bleddyy men...

Its not about husband ji .. I work in an extremely male-dominated area. I over came employee trouble with a woman boss with relative ease but of course took some time. It wasn't hard because I expected it. The employees come from low to lower middle income group, some graduates and some not even that. I knew it was hard for people with such limited exposure to accept a female boss.
We are basically dealers for a certain product. And there is a small but extremely competitive dealer community for this particular brand in Delhi. I had never interacted with any of these people in about 2 years of working with my father. Papa attended all the meetings and dealer meets and if he couldn't, no one would. I was very aware of the fact that he didn't want me to go out there and meet these people, but I knew this could not go on forever.
Finally an opportunity came when all the dealers were supposed to give an important presentation about their business to some important people from the parent company and papa could not make it due to some personal commitments, he informed them that I would prepare the requisite stuff and send it across so someone else can present it on our behalf (actually an uncle of mine who's also one of the dealers).

I worked very hard on the whole thing and once it was done, I couldn't bring myself to let anyone else present it. It was my hard work and about my business. So I somehow gathered courage (thanks for husband ji's constant pumping) and convinced papa that I had to do this myself.

So I went, and most people had a fair idea who I was, but bloody businessmen choose to ignore me. I met who I knew and sat quietly through most of the day. There was a Jap consultant from the parent company's side who was screwing everyone with questions and remarks about their business, none of which were polite. I was terrified. I went with shaking hands to finally present my thing to 20 men. It went well. The Jap send "Thank you" in the end and that was that. I went back to my seat and sat.

This was my first time there and so was my cousin's (the uncle's son). Everyone congratulated him for doing so well and welcomed him to the family. No of the dealers uttered one word to me or even acknowledge my presence.

I have faced such behaviour in my corporate career too and there also it took a lot to stand out and fit in. But it was somehow much worse here.

I couldn't resist so I went upto the Jap in the end to ask why he did not comment on my work. Can you believe his answer "oh.. you female...how can I?".. I was just stunned beyond words.

Here I slog and have managed to achieve the highest growth rate amongst all the dealers in our city and they don't let me participate on equal terms 'cos I am a female....

I was extreme hurt and decided to not stick to this line of business for long. But then why would I let a bunch of idiots scare me away. Let them not accept me now. They all know we are doing better than them. They will have to look my way sooner or later. I have done better than I expected or anyone expected in 2 years.. most of them spent in pregnancy and baby and home.. So nothing can stop me from reaching greater heights in the coming years. These people don't matter.

The good thing is that I formed a good rapport with the company people who matter and one of them even called papa to tell how well I had done at the meeting. I have papa's work ethics and rich experience to guide me. I have nothing to worry about..

I know this was more of an "affirmation exercise" than an interesting post.. But I am an insecure person and this helps ... :)

And a Tag..

Can you believe this... barely a month since I'm back to studying and I'm already loking for ways to escape it :) .. And that is why I picked up this tag from facebook.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.


(1) I love writing things down and planning. I am a list person. So this list is going to be fun J
(2) I love to travel. Budget holidays or luxury holidays (but back-packing is not my thing).
(3) I love eating. I am very adventurous with food and love trying new cuisines.
(4) I am a reader. I can’t sleep without reading. Even at the busiest time in my life I manage to read something. I never ever travel without a book even if it’s just a day trip.
(5) I don’t like facial hair on men
(6) I can never travel light. I am prepared to be stranded in the middle of the now where and survive for a few days or attend the Oscars incase George Clooney suddenly invites me. It runs in my genes. (see that’s y I can’t back pack)
(7) I never plan my life beyond one year. But the current year is normally well planned.
(8) I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and everything finally falls in place. It always does for me.
(9) I am a hard worker.
(10) I always brush my teeth with my eyes shut until I realize what I’m doing and open them J
(11) I am a lot of fun after 2 drinks
(12) I love early mornings.
(13) I love walking.( I know I live in the wrong city)
(14) I give equal credit to my husband as to my parents to making me what I am
(15) I love bitter, dark chocolates, especially with mint.
(16) Music can move me to tears. Some bits with saxophone in Jazz, Spring in Vivaldi 4 seasons.(can’t believe Vivaldi is a spelling error in ms word)
(17) I am obsessive about not wasting time. I multi-task a lot.
(18) My secret ambition is to have flat toned abs and a diamond on my navel ;)
(19) I don’t know who I love more.. my baby, my sister or my husband
(20) I am doer. If something has to be done, it has to be done now, even if it’s the middle of the night.
(21) I am a good house keeper but a useless cook
(22) I never say never anymore (have learnt it the hard way)
(23) My favorite quote is “Give me a place to stand and I’ll fly everywhere”. Don’t know who it’s by, read it on one of those cheesy posters displayed on CP patris. It had a little bird standing on the edge of a tree branch.
(24) I can’t stand a mess.
(25) I strongly believe in following my instincts.

I don't know 25 people to tag so please feel free to tell me more about yourself.

To my dear little sister...

I should have just written an e-mail to you but this is better.
I just saw your film and that funny feeling came creeping back. I had tears in my eyes and my heart swollen with something I can not describe. I was overwhelmed as always at your creativity, your sensitivity and your ability to express it all so well. I can see so much of the real you in your work.
I don't know if its motherly pride I feel or do all siblings feel this way at the other's success. I have a very good feeling about this film . I 'm so incredibly happy for you!!!

Phuket... lovely Phuket...

This trip was supposed to spell closure in a way. We went here for a honeymoon almost 5 years ago and had never really thought we would go back.. Not because we didn't like it.. we had fun and it was an awesome place but somehow didn't seem like a place we would visit again when there are a million beach destinations to be done..

The years saw us craving it like chocolate ... we planned innumerable trips.. sometimes just us .. sometimes with friends... but it never worked out.. Finances became a problem.. then time and then came T (making both finances and time critical).

And then P surprised me with air tickets to phuket on my birthday.. we still weren't sure till the last day if we would make it . Murphy's law was completely at work and we kept dodging it with all our might... It turned out my parents were going out of town on the exact same dates and would not be able to keep T. So we changed the dates to suit them. Then T's favourite maid left. We found a good replacement but we knew T would not be as comfortable. And I really do feel guilty about it because the way we left was extremely un-parent like.. atleast not the kind of parenting we believe it but somewhere deep inside we both knew that we had to take this trip for us.. for just me and P.. and of course for the greater good of T.. He wouldn't want his parents to separate.. would he?? okay maybe that was exaggerated but really we just had to do this trip by ourselves...

And then we finally left for the airport, throwing caution to the winds.. The boarding began after the usual routine.. as soon as we were on the plane, we were told that fog was enveloping the airport and visibility was low, so dinner would be served till it got better and then we would be off.. Of course that never happens... so we had a nice thai dinner on the plane.. the strong lemon grass from the rice..enticing us with promises of a week of thai food ahead. Then we were promptly shown the door and packed off to a hotel to spend the night and await the morning flight. I tried to convince P that this was a sign and we should call it off to return to our little T's arms. P of course had more sense and decided to carry on.

We finally got to phuket 12 hrs later than planned. The flight inspite of everything was great fun. It was amazing to just be able to talk to P without the million interruptions that T brought.. pleasant ones for sure but interruptions nonetheless.


The next day saw us heading to our favourite haunts.. the Patong beach to buy some beach wear and then Karon. You have to see where we stayed. This place is a tropical paradise, we loved it the first time and were completed floored this time.. We rented an open jeep for our stay and drove around all of Phuket, the quiet
beaches, the really noisy ones, the old town and the party places.




I distinctly remember hating the smell of beer that last time but this time I couldn't resist it. We behaved liked crazy drunks and started drinking bear at noon. Actually it was more me than husband ji :)

I vaguely recall saying things like.. "Beer has to be the best thing in the afternoon" and got a nice whack on my back from husband ji. To the husband's polite enquiry of ordering a coke with an evening snack.. my reply was.." coke? why?? aren't we still in Phuket".

The mornings were spent lazing at the beach.. eating.. drinking.. swimming.. and reading. You won't believe how much reading I got done in 6 days.. it was fantastic.. the husband not being a great reading fan indulged in water sports and let me be :)




The evenings meant long drives around spirally roads running parallel to the ocean.. The sunsets on that island are stuff dreams are made of. The sun really just melted into the sea and the sky turns hues of reds and blues that I haven't seen anywhere. Then came dinner.. sometimes a fancy restaurant over looking the sea with pitchers of Margaretas.. and some on shacks along the beach.. feet dipped in white sand.. under trees blowing in the soft breeze. We are nuts about Thai food and the street food here is the best. We gorged on grilled fish stuffed with lemon grass, prawns with basil, pineapple rice, green and red curries and my favourites phad thai and larb koi.. We stuffed ourselves like pigs and then spent the rest of the evenings at bars chatting up other tourists and more drinking.





If you have been to Thailand you would have heard of the famous lady-boys. If not, the name should give you a fair idea. A street cutting right across the famous patong beach is their hangout. I got the cultural shock of my life the first time I entered this street 4 years ago. This time.. well.. to be honest it still got to me but not enough to stop me from having a good time. The street is lined by pubs and bars on both sides. Lady-boys dancing on table tops... on poles.. on whatever surface they could. Tourists thronging the streets and the pubs.. crazy loud music.. and a lot of foreign men.. all shapes and sizes and ages walking hand in hand ( and sometimes something more) with local girls or lady-boys, basically escorts. This is the part that gets to you at times and so do the numerous people going around with pictures, trying to get you to their night club to watch awful, sadistic (erotic to some) acts. Anyway... the night life here is an experience. It's like the sin city.



On a happier note, we bonded plenty over all this fun and went for wonderfully relaxing spa treatments. The hotel spa was gorgeous with an outdoors plunge pool overlooking the sea. I've seen some really fancy Indian spas in Delhi and even Goa and boy do they have a long long way to go.

The hotel pool was another favourite hangout since both of us love the water. Another favourite activity were midnight strolls on the beach under the sparkling moon. The final late night or rather early morning haunt was the 24 hour ice-cream place, so it was minty chocolate chip and mocha ice creams in big waffle cones.. It's a miracle we didn't put on any weight.

One funny thing is that even the shortest clothes you possess seem long there and everyday sees you shedding some more (swear it wasn't just me.. it was all around me :) .. ) . And one really sad thing to note was that the Thai people (atleast the ones we came in contact with ) were not as friendly as the last time, infact some were really rude like this young lady (not sure if I can call her a lady) who owns the silver jewellery shop at patong right where you enter Soi Bangla (the party street), was so rude and abusive. Do not go to that store if you happen to be in the area. Maybe this had something to do with being the high season and too much business but it was disappointing.
PS: And like the last time I wore a bikini, in spite of the added tyres :)

Mamma Big Bolo...

..was meant for me when I was softly humming a song while dressing T up.. he meant mamma sing louder..

Now that T is talking more than all of us put together, gems like these keep rolling out that little talkative mouth of his...



On tripping over a rug and falling .. "oh ram ji.. kiripa karo ji".. followed by a long sigh..obviously imitating his nani..



Our baby language is being corrected these days with .. "mamma khab nahi bolte.. kharab bolte hai"..

"papa ticks nahi bolte.. esticks bolte hai"



A typical saturday at home, me in track pants and shabbily tied hair. T comes up to me .. points to a nice picture of me on the laptop and says.. "mamma smarty bano..." with a tug at my bun ...

Pheww... dressing up for the father was one thing.. now this little one can't stand tied hair on me either...

It's so cold here...

I thought we had thawed ourselves in Phuket for good.. but I guess not.. it will take more than a perfect holiday to do that..